i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
