HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
false alarm. still invincible.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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