It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
