omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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