if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
