We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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