I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
