he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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