I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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