Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
