I am in a vortex of obligation.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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