I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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