i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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