It's Friday. Sex?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
