I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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