Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
