you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
