Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
