I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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