I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
