i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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