I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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