Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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