im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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