if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
