So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
