I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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