I cockslap morals
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I could fuck to npr.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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