Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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