I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I want to fling myself into the sun
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
