In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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