We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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