we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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