he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
