Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
