At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
