Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
