I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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