My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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