just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
