I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
