I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
