I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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