Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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