God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
