Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
