just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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