I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
