We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
