Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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