sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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