i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
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I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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