I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
