I can text with my tongue
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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