is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like a drive thru vagina
my liver is dry heaving
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