you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
