I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
