...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
