I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
