How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
