Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
