Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
These tits shall not be calmed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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