you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
