I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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