So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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