think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
