Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
