he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
