Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
