There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
