My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
