Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
