ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
