i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
