I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
