dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize