Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
